Brain Explosion

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last posting, and in that time a number of things have come to pass.  My brother-in-law got married, a former co-worker of mine lost his wife unexpectedly, and college soccer has started again.  With today being what I consider the REAL opening day of NCAA action (as most of our players come from the Division III ranks, the September 1 start date of competition is more relevant to us than when Division I or NAIA begin), this is a good time to lay down some more thoughts on where I am and where I might be going.

  • With the stresses and losses that have occurred over the past year, I have begun to contemplate the notion that life has the potential to be too short to live it doing things that cause more consternation than enjoyment.  Now, that doesn’t mean I am comfortable with the idea that I might at some point cease to be here (I’m shooting for Methuselah-level longevity and I really do NOT like the idea that my time will come to an end, mainly because I have no idea what exists on the other side save the ethereal notions of heaven, hell, purgatory, and the like), but I am viewing my time and energy as finite resources that should be expended wisely and in ways that build me up rather than wear me down.
  • Advancing on that last point, my view of this break has come to be “if you don’t work, I don’t work”.  Taking that harsh line I feel allows me to not take on the 95% (or more) workload that has been endemic of our organization over the past couple of years, and it also keeps me from simply adding things to my plate because I get bored or because no one else will.  Am I feeling pangs over not following games and players?  Not really, to tell you the truth.  Maybe that “ache” will occur later today when I start to see them getting hyped for their first matches via social media.
  • Honestly, this “new normal” where I am only working the day job and not putting in large amounts of mental energy (and time) on various other projects (either from an advancement or maintenance standpoint) when I get home has me somewhat bored yet a bit relieved of the “world on my shoulders” mentality.  I feel I need to have a sit-down with my pastor in the near future to go over some of the psychological things going on with this “next phase” (namely, who am I/what’s my value if the day job is the only thing to hang my hat upon professionally, as this is a huge hurdle to making certain decisions I am sure).

As always, any feedback you provide (be it in the comments, email, or via Facebook or Twitter) is appreciated.

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