Hitting a Wall

This is my first “personal” post on the new site.  I said in my introduction that this blog would be a place for me to dump thoughts on various things that aren’t apropos for my other social media platforms.  With that, here we go.

The last eight months or so have been a whirlwind of struggles and trials, most of which I don’t disclose to anyone.  Between my personal illnesses (sinus infection that took me out of work for two weeks during 4th quarter, neurological testing for a congenital disease, my expanding waistline), my father-in-law’s passing, and the stresses of juggling a day job that pays the bills and a night passion which consumes almost every other minute and thought, I have come close to mentally wiping out on several occasions.  The last few days, however, have hit me in a way that I hadn’t expected (the main triggers being the forced postponement of our home opener on Sunday because the opponent couldn’t field a team and the funeral of my childhood best friend’s mother on Monday), and I can no longer deny that I need a break of some sort from the hamster wheel in order to take care of myself and get back to some level of peaceful stability.  Therefore, once the 2015 Women’s Premier League season is over and the post-season work is put to bed, I will be stepping away from the day-to-day operation of Milwaukee United Soccer Club for a while.  The work still needs to get done (scouting players for 2016, fundraising, growing the organization), but this means others associated with the club will need to step in and handle things.  I plan to take a vacation sometime during that break, to a place with things to do but no one to see (KC, Columbus, Indy, Des Moines, etc.).  I plan to do better with self-care as well.  I hope that I will move away from perpetual defensiveness when things aren’t perfect or circumstances outside of my control cause less-than-desirable results.  I beat myself up a lot, believing that I will be blamed for any bad thing that happens to those around me, even if I have nothing to do with it, or accused of “not doing enough”, whatever the situation.  I will piece together whatever I need to do with the day job to provide for myself while also having the respite my soul requires.

With that off my chest, I wonder what the rest of the day will have in store for me.  Hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, or through the comments here if you have tips, suggestions, or a kind word.

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2 thoughts on “Hitting a Wall

  1. Hey, Scott. As I have traveled through my life and had to deal with my own issues (similar to yours in many ways) I finally came to the realization that in the years ahead of me (many fewer than behind me, probably) what I do for myself is as important, if not more so, than what I do for others. Not to say that I am more important, but that if I want to continue to be there for others I have to make myself a priority first. I’ve had to improve my health, both physically and mentally, and deal with my own shortcomings. At first it seemed like an insurmountable task, but once I got my head around the concept it wasn’t that hard at all. And since I started that path (and continue on it) it really has gotten easier to prioritize what’s important and where I want to put my energy and time. I hope that your time away allows you many moments of reflection to find what is truly important to you, and lets you see that there is always someone out there with a willingness to help share the load.

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